Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
