I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
