Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
