Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
