Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
