how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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