I hate your face
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
