bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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