He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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