gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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