My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
