he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
