I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
