WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
