apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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