yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
