and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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