i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
