I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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