I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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