we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
