I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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