Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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