Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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