Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
