the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
