Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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