your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
