I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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