She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
