I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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