My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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