Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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