Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
