You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
