you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
