I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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