He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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