About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
