The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
