We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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