an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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