found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
