Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was CRYING into my vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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