It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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