jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
