I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
