Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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