he thought i was a dude.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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