just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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