thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
