Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
