That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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