You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
