I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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