Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
