Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
