if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
